God's Perfect Timing

As I have written about before, I had a miscarriage in January of 2012, an event that affected me so deeply and so fully that it changed who I am.  Since then, as friends have loved me, listened to me, shared their stories with me, and prayed with me, I know I have healed.  But miscarriage is one of those events that I am not sure someone can ever completely heal from.  For months following the loss of our baby, I was on a mission to become pregnant again.  It consumed my brain and I couldn't make it stop.  I studied ovulation charts, read books, stalked pregnancy web sites, consulted with friends and family members, spent a ridiculous amount of money on ovulation prediction kits, and pretty much drove my husband crazy with incessant planning. My husband was a good sport about my, "we have 12 hours to get pregnant" announcements month after month, only making sarcastic comments roughly half of the time. Seriously, this man should get an award for his love and patience, especially since during part of this baby craze, he had a drainage tube in his side for some kidney stone issues he was having and he still didn't tell me to give it a rest.  He was mostly patient and understanding and I am continually thankful that God chose this man to be my husband.

During all of this planning and research, I started to become convicted about the whole thing.  As I prayed, I was continually met with God asking me, "Do you want this baby more than you want Me?" and "Don't you trust Me?".  At first, I pushed those questions away because surely I loved the Lord above all and trusted Him fully, I didn't even need to think about it.  But then, I started examining how I spent my time. Did I really think about this non-existent baby more than I thought about the real and living God?  Was I spending more time perusing natural fertility web sites than I was studying the Word of God?  It terrified me to come face to face with this truth.  God is definitely first in my life, but the fact that this concern was even in my mind gave me a new outlook on having another baby.

Finally, I had had enough.  I could no longer calculate the best day to get pregnant.  I couldn't handle the pitying look the cashier at the Dollar Tree gave me as I purchased yet five more ovulation kits.  That two week wait to find out if I was pregnant was just too dreadful for me to endure. I certainly couldn't tolerate the possibility of this baby becoming an idol.  As much as I wanted another baby, I prayed for God to change my heart if this wasn't His will for my life.  I also prayed that He would give me a desire for Him that was greater than anything else in my life.

A dear friend gave my family the opportunity to have an affordable beach vacation, which happened to be the week that our baby would have turned a year old.  I was relieved for the distraction from our every day life and glad to be able to get away with my other three little blessings from Jesus to have a fun week.  But as the anniversary of my would-have-been due date came, I found myself feeling a bit sad.  It seemed the beach was filled with one-year-old babies and pregnant women!  I couldn't help but think about how much fun it would be to have a sunblock and sand covered toddler with us, chasing seagulls, spilling juice boxes, finding lady bugs and eating dirt.  I again longed for that baby I didn't get to meet.  I also thought it was strange that I was so grieved by this day that I began to physically feel pregnancy symptoms.  Unwilling to let my emotions and now physical ailments ruin our fun, I ignored all of this and continued on with our vacation.

Watching the waves on Lake Michigan.

We got home and unpacked in the evening on August 29th, a year after the day our baby would have been due and I still felt not-quite-right.  I still had a pregnancy test in the bathroom and decided to take it just in case this nausea wasn't all in my head.  It was positive.  I was in shock.  I wanted to be excited.  I wanted to love this baby and think about who he or she would be.  In reality though, this was not at all how I imagined I  would feel when I finally did become pregnant.  I wanted reassurance that this baby would be healthy and a guarantee that I would be holding this little baby in the spring.

Doug and I decided to wait to tell our kids until after we heard the baby's heartbeat.  When I miscarried, there was never a heartbeat, so this seemed like a good milestone.  At nine weeks, I had an appointment with a nurse and I lost it.  I told her about my miscarriage and how unenthusiastic I was about being pregnant.  She had experienced a miscarriage as well and understood, so she squeezed me in for an ultrasound.  I got to see little hands and a little heartbeat, so I did feel much better knowing there was a live baby in there!  We told our other kids later that evening and they were excited about having a new baby.  My daughter had just turned four and is obsessed with babies, so this news was the best ever for her.  She even asked me if this baby can be her own child when it grows up.  I am not sure what that means exactly, but I know this little baby is loved already!  She tells everyone from the nurse who gave her a flu shot to the cashier at the grocery store that there is a baby in her Momma's tummy.

Ellery making footprints in the sand with her baby doll, Logan.

I am excited to meet the baby God has made for our family.  This baby is the one He chose for us, not the one I planned and orchestrated.  Isaiah 55:8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."  It can be so hard to "give up" sometimes when I want something so much that I felt like I need to help God in order to make it happen.  That wisdom He gave me when I was faced with those hard questions wasn't easy to accept. But thankfully, God has made a way for me to have another baby, but in the way that He planned from the start.

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."  Psalm 62:1-2

It's Been 'Snow' Much Fun in February

This winter has not been a very snowy one until recently.  In the last few weeks, we've had tons of snow!  My kids have been loving it, except for the shoveling of the driveway.  I think they secretly even enjoy that part as well, since it is something my husband would typically do and they love doing "manly" jobs.

Every day, I look outside, never knowing what I'll find.  It could be a snow man in a disco-dancing pose, a snow man with angel wings and a tennis racket halo, kids pulling each other in sleds, toddlers and dogs making snow angels together, or a giant heart, stomped out in footprints in my front yard.  They're creative and don't mind the cold.  I prefer to watch them from the window and prepare hot cocoa and graham crackers to warm them up.

 Our Golden Retriever, Maggie, loves the snow too.  She insists on rolling in it EVERY time she goes outside to potty, so that when she comes inside, her fur is caked with snow.  One of my least-favorite parts of winter is stepping in those melted snow puddles she leaves on the kitchen floor.  The boys love to wrestle with this huge dog when they're bundled in snow clothes.  My younger son pretends she is a wild dog and he has to escape her death-grip.  My daughter likes roll around with her and claims that Maggie is making snow angels with her.  My oldest likes throwing snowballs, which confuses her because she can never find them to bring back to him. 

As I was catching up on Pinterest one day, I came across a pin for snow ice cream.  My kids were having a bored moment, so I suggested we try it.  It was easy to make and tasted a lot like soft-serve ice cream.  It did have a hint of "snow" flavor to it though.  Not bad, but not as delicious as we had hoped for. 

Here is the Robinson Family version of snow ice cream (the recipe we used made sloppy ice cream, so we edited it a bit to make it firmer):

Ingredients:
1 cup of milk
1/2 cup of sugar
1 tsp. of vanilla extract
A lot of clean snow (10-12 cups)

Directions:
Whisk together the milk, sugar, and vanilla until the sugar is dissolved.  Using a wooden spoon, stir in the snow until it becomes the texture of soft serve ice cream.  Enjoy!

My daughter wanted to save some for my husband, who was in the hospital at the time, so we put a Tupperware container of it in the freezer.  Three days later, it was a block of yellowish stickiness.  I wouldn't recommend freezing it for later!  

Who's Hearing the Gospel In Room 224?

During Doug's last hospital visit, the kids and I visited him after lunch one day.  The nurse came in to check on Doug and asked if our kids had a snow day that day, since they were at the hospital during "school hours."  When I told her we home school, she was full of questions.  She had been thinking of homeschooling her son because he was being bullied at his public school.  We began talking about our reasons for homeschooling and how God nudged us down that path.  Instantly, I could tell she was offended by my faith and my reasons for homeschooling.

A few sentences later, she revealed that she grew up attending a Catholic school and had read the Bible, but she had abandoned her faith years ago.  I began to encourage her to change her heart, when she got a page from another nurse and had to leave, but she assured me she'd be right back.  After she stepped out, my husband said that he'd already tried to talk to her and she shut him down and she was going to feel "attacked."  

Doug and I exchanged a few sort-of-not-nice words with one another about obedience to God and our faith.  Our boys, who had said nothing until then, chimed in with their observations.  They began talking about how you could "feel" the Holy Spirit when we were talking to this nurse.  They compared it to a movie and kept wondering what we were going to say next. They are at an age where they are intrigued by wars, battles, and the fights between good and evil, making this conversation between the nurse and I extremely interesting to them. If nothing else, I was glad that my three children were experiencing firsthand how not everyone will be receptive to us as Christians and not everyone will choose Jesus.  I think my husband had the same thoughts.

When the nurse returned, my husband, who moments earlier said my words sounded attacking and harsh, pretty much threw a spiritual brick at her head.  She explained how she's a "spiritual" person and is raising her kids to have good morals and values and is a nurse because it's what God wants her to do.  Before I could say anything, Doug blurts out, "Well, that's good and all, but you need Jesus Christ" and proceeded to explain how God sent his son, Jesus, to die for our sins.  This is where I'd like to say that she accepted Jesus right then and there and her life will be forever changed.  Instead, she said she didn't have time to talk about this anymore and had to tend to another patient.

This experience was not new to neither Doug nor I, but to my children this was baffling.  Why didn't she want to hear more, to know more about Jesus?  They couldn't understand, after hearing about God's love for someone, how that person could not immediately be affected.  The Bible talks about child-like faith and I love that I have three examples of this in front of me nearly all of the time.  What a great reminder! There are times when I share my faith with someone when I wonder exactly who it is I am witnessing to.  At the time, I thought it was the nurse.  Looking back, it was really my children.  It would have been wonderful for them to see this heart-broken woman turn to Christ.  But they learned more in that half-hour of overhearing our conversation than I had taught them all morning using our highly-rated homeschooling curriculum!

Homeschooling 2012

Today is the end of our third week of homeschooling this school year.  A recent conversation with a friend who also home schools her children (and who has been a tremendous source of inspiration and encouragement!) made me think about my family's homeschooling journey.  Three years ago, after much prayer and research, my husband and I made the decision to home school.

Three years ago at this time, I was overwhelmed, holding a newborn baby, reminding my children to pay attention for the millionth time, traveling back and forth to the hospital to visit my husband who was recovering from yet another surgery, and certain that I made a terrible mistake by choosing to home school.  I thought back to the summer when we made this decision and was sure it must have been a moment of pregnancy craziness.  Everyone knows you shouldn't make life-altering decisions during the third trimester!  But, here I was in a big, heaping pile of the chaos as I tried to make sense of our homeschooling curriculum, grade books, planning, and teaching, while nursing a newborn, keeping my house semi-clean, going to soccer practices, doctor visits, and spending time in surgery waiting rooms.  It was one of those places in my life when I was doing lots of things, but none of them were being done well.  I've been in those places more than once and they're not a fun place to be!

I am glad that I had many family members and friends praying for us during that time!  My husband eventually came home from the hospital, the newborn baby adapted to our family and the process of planning and teaching and record-keeping became less-intimidating.  Three years later, I am sure that I heard God clearly when he spoke to my heart about homeschooling.  I feel very confident that I am not going to "mess up" my children's education.  I'm not easily frustrated when my lesson plan and actual school day do not even resemble one another.  I'm okay with giving my children Honey Bunches of Oats for lunch or knitting an Etsy order while one of the boys reads our Science lesson to save time.  I've found a Math curriculum that practically teaches itself.  And if my three-year-old empties her dresser and tries on every bathing suit she owns while I'm teaching History, that's fine by me.

The Robinson's house is much more relaxed these days.  When I remember those first few weeks of homeschooling and the circumstances surrounding them, I am reminded of how blessed I am today.  My husband is as healthy as he can be (seasonal changes are never easy for Crohn's Disease) and he's not in the hospital.  My kids are all three becoming responsible, respectful, intelligent, kind, compassionate, wonderful warriors for Christ.  I am keeping busy with just the right amount of Etsy orders.  And most importantly, God is in the center of all of this.  We still have our days when nothing I do can make my children remember how to spell the word "substitute" or no one can remember what the lowest common denominator means, someone older than age five asks me if December comes after October and I wonder if a mother's brain can actually explode.  I have moments when I feel like I am not teaching the right material or that I don't have enough time to teach my kids everything I want them to learn.  Experience and time have shown me that I need only to trust God and everything will work out just the way he planned.

Our memory verse this week was Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."  I'm grateful for His faithfulness and his provision in ALL circumstances.  Thankfully He gave me just enough strength and hope to continue teaching our kids.  It would have been extremely easy to give up on homeschooling and send my kids back to public schools, where they would receive an education, along with exposure to the undesirable things of this world that we work so hard to protect and shelter them from.  Homeschooling is hard work, but the rewards are better than anything I ever imagined.  

A Saturday of Groupons, Free Underwear, $3 Target Shirts, and Owls

I love Saturdays when our family is able to have fun and not spend tons of money.  This past Saturday was one of those.  While some of us may have had more fun than others, we were all together, doing something.  This summer has been a HUGE blessing to our family, mostly because this is the first summer in three years that my husband has not had to endure abdominal surgery.  For a while, we were spending both spring and summer vacations in hospital rooms and doctor's offices. So, no matter what we do, at least we aren't cooped up in a hospital!

Last month, I purchased a Groupon for an annual membership to the Kingman Museum in Battle Creek and we needed to go there to pick up our membership cards.  The cost was $19, which is a GREAT deal, but I had a $5 off offer from Groupon, making it just $14!  It's the little things that make this Momma happy.  The Kingman Museum is just an "okay" museum.  But, with this membership comes a reciprocal membership to many museums in every state, including the Field Museum, the Museum of Science and Industry, and the Adler Planetarium in Chicago.  Our plan, when we began homeschooling in 2010, was to go to the Chicago-area museums during the first week of school every year, as a kickoff to the school year.  Thank you, Groupon for saving us a lot of money on this upcoming trip!  If you use my referral link (http://www.groupon.com//raf/UserReferral_rp/121015/10r1act/lk/uu27177111) I earn $10 when you purchase YOUR first Groupon. :)

Our first stop was a nearby mall.  I despise the mall.  We were only there because Victoria's Secret sent me a coupon for a free pair of underwear and Bath & Body Works had a Facebook offer for a free bottle of lotion and we were already in the same area as this mall.  My oldest son also had a gift card for Dunham's Sports and needed to go there to buy a ShakeWeight and a pair of shorts.  These items will likely end up in a garage sale for a quarter in a few years.  I imagine his future apartment will be cluttered with all kinds of those "As Seen on TV" products...and airsoft guns and fast food wrappers. As I'm thinking these thoughts, I try to be encouraging about his decision and we joke about what huge muscles he will have "in just seven minutes a day".

After collecting my free gifts, my children were hungry.  I stopped at Target to pick up "picnic food", aka: a loaf of bread, some lunch meat, and a bag of Target brand snack mix.  While I was there, I found two shirts on sale for $6 each.  I had two $3 off coupons, making each shirt just $3!  After ignoring discontent teenage comments about going to Taco Bell like normal people, we had a lovely picnic lunch at some picnic tables outside of the museum.  There was a big hill that Ellery loved running down.  She also decided that this was a lovely spot to poop, so after a diaper change and a couple of family pictures, we made our way to our original destination.  

We gave our membership information to the adorable, friendly volunteer at the Kingman Museum.  She gave each of our children a sea shell and a tiny piece of dinosaur bone.  We savored the air conditioning for a few minutes as we took a quick look at the exhibits, before venturing back into the 92-degree day. 

When we arrived home, I sewed the finishing touches onto an owl I had knitted and listed it in my Etsy shop.  This owl is slightly different from the owls I've made in the past, but I think I like it better.  I'm thinking about making these owls in different colors, but haven't had time to experiment yet.  Here is a link: https://www.etsy.com/listing/104405736/knitted-chocolate-owl

24 Christmas Gifts for under $8!?

This year has been filled with many things that have literally drained my family's bank account.  From multiple surgeries that my husband has had to undergo, to growing children that eat more food than I ever imagined possible, household and car repairs, to ever-increasing medical expenses, this year was definitely one of "pinching pennies." Yet, I am deeply thankful for the financially unstable year that my family has endured.  A crazy thing to be thankful for?  It may sound that way on the surface, but thinking back over the last year, God has shown me so many new things about Himself that I definitely would not have been able to see if more money had been in my bank account.

I also love the creativity that comes from these seasons in our life.  In our house, things have been fixed, not replaced.  We've learned to grab a sweater or blanket, rather than heating the house a couple of degrees more.  My children have re-discovered things they forgot they had, like Legos, Play-Doh, Nerf guns, and model car kits.  And we're happy. :)

When thinking about Christmas gifts for our extended family, we knew giving gifts to everyone this year was going to be impossible.  But, after doing some browsing of craft web sites, I came up with a few ideas for things we could make inexpensively to give as gifts.  As a family, we decided on painted Christmas ornaments, using our fingerprints.  I already had paint that we could use and I found clear glass ornaments and frosted glass ornaments at Hobby Lobby for 50% off.  Total cost to make 24 gifts: $7.42.  God had provided us with an affordable way to give gifts!

As I dipped my daughter's little fingers in paint and then my sons', it became clear that these were not going to be just cute, they would be ADORABLE!  All five of us chose a character to create from our fingerprints and decorated each ornament.  Doug made a Santa Claus, I made a wreath, Ian made a penguin, Brodie made a snowman, and Ellery made a reindeer.  I then wrote our names and the date along the bottom and these little masterpieces are ready for gift-giving!

Because Baking Bread Takes A Long Time...

I like baking bread.  My family likes eating bread.  The problem, however, is that baking bread takes a long time.  I begin my day reading God's Word, having coffee with my husband, homeschooling my children, reading emails, loading the dishwasher, wiping up muddy paw prints from my dear Golden Retriever, changing diapers, vacuuming up muffin crumbs, and sorting laundry.  By the time my brain catches up and I think about baking bread to go with our dinner, it's late afternoon and by the time I finish mixing, letting dough rise, shaping and baking, it will be bedtime before our bread is done.


Which is why I am thankful to have found the "60-Minute Dinner Rolls" recipe from Phyllis Pellman Good's book, Fix-It and Enjoy-It Cookbook.  As promised, these dinner rolls bake up quickly and easily, even when a two-year-old, dough-tasting little girl is my co-chef.  They aren't the most wonderful dinner rolls I've ever tasted, but on a Thursday night when I've had the kind of day that makes me question whether or not I'm really awake or if I'm dreaming, they will do.  My husband and 2/3 of my children like them, which is success in my opinion!  


Here is the recipe:


60-Minute Dinner Rolls (Makes 2 dozen)

Ingredients:
2 1/2 tsp dry yeast
1/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups warm milk
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup butter, melted
4 cups flour


In a large mixing bowl, add yeast and sugar to warm milk.  Stir to dissolve.  Let stand 15 minutes.  Stir in remaining ingredients.  Mix well.  Cover and let stand in a warm place for 15-20 minutes, or until double in size.  Form 24 rolls, each the size of an egg.  Place on greased cookie sheets.  Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.  Enjoy!

Visiting With Santa---A Thanksgiving Tradition

While we celebrate Christmas with our focus is most definitely on Christ and His birth, this has become a fun little tradition for us.  After years of waiting in line for hours to see Santa, we have made it our family tradition to visit with Santa the day before Thanksgiving.  A little backwards, I know, but it works for us.  We have done this for the past few years and there is no line at all!  Plus, Santa is more willing to chat with the kids for a while so that Momma can take lots of cute pictures.

My oldest son is thirteen this year, what he considers "way too old" to visit Santa, but he loves me and puts up with my crazy ideas for now!  My younger son is ten and is stuck in that "I don't believe in Santa, but I wish I did" phase, so he didn't mind (yes, he has a black eye in this picture--a backyard football incident).  My daughter didn't cry and even willingly went right into Santa's arms (if you have ever met my daughter, you know this is strange!).  When asked what she wanted, she replied, "presents."

I love my Santa pictures with the kids.  It's a fun way to see how much they grow each year; from babies in Santa's arms to boys too big for laps, who have to sit next to Santa in his seat.  I hope they continue to humor me for many more years as they pose with this jolly guy on the day before Thanksgiving.  Maybe their future spouses will join us some day!